I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
