that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
