oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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