Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
no, he came in my armpit
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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