I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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