Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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