the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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