Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Boobs are out for the taking
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
