His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
