do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
