Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
