Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
