For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
