my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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