just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
