I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
