You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
