I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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