so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
