Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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