I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Rumble strips road head = magical
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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