I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
