This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhhâ€
Randomize