you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize