Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
