haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
