you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
