So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
