I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
