so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
