Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
