shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
