Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
