just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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