dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
