whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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