running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
