I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
