It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
