remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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