I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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