I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
