I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
