He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
