Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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