dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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