I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
