yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
