i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
