I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
