i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
