Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
