so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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