I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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