who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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