If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
