On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
