make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
