How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
