I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
