I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
