Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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