At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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