I'm really into asian looking animals
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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