Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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