last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
