I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
