SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
