ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i came on her dog
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
