You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize