Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
