ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
