Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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