That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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