If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
