Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
