Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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