do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize