Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
