maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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