you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
40s are totally the cure
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
