he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
