If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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