Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
