He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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