First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
