Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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