Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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