Im at strip club and am horny
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
