remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize