separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
