we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
