4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
