He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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