her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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