You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize