youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
