I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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