He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
