I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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