on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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