Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
