I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
