i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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