I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
